There's a song by country singer Rodney Atkins that says, "If you're going through hell, keep on moving / Don't slow down, if you're scared don't show it" and it's the perfect way to describe my day. Here are my "artist thoughts" on the matter.
Why?
I finished a three-month commercial acting class and let me tell you— it didn't get easier by the end. I got better, but I feel like I have so much to learn and discover.
I'm becoming more self aware of the real-life "act" I have made myself believe for so many years, so deep I don't know how to turn it off. Years of having to be high energy for events hour after hour. Being a yes person. Struggling to release [pause for dramatic breakdown as phone dies, the straw breaking the camel's back] authentic, raw emotions until I am alone (with my boyfriend and cat).
The grand release of my emotions is like taking a really good dump. GROSS- you know what I'm talking about though. It's a success when it finally happens.
When your job consists of being in a vulnerable, raw emotional state at the drop of a hat, emotionless and hard is not a conducive state to be in. WHAT AM I HOLDING BACK FROM? Fear of succeeding? Fear of achieving something I've never achieved before?
Such is the life as an artist.
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